Long Road

There was a time when I had such doubt about what I was seeing. I would sit on and off looking at these pictures while listening to music. There was one in particular that I would look at because that one had the Lamb turned to face me. That is God's testimony. What I found at this time of trial was when I looked at the Host in the picture it would detach and hover. This would happen many times. I showed my parents but they didn't see it. Then I questioned my eyesight, until an Idea of seeing if it would happen while I was holding the camera while it was video taping. I video taped it, it didn't happen so I put the camera away and forgot what I did.
This is pretty neat because what developed in the video. It didn't capture the Host hovering what it did was change colors ever so slightly but quite visible for all to see. There was like a pulse at the bottom of the Host. Now you would think by now the doubts would go away after that.
For me it was the longest, hardest road I have ever walked. I had always believed, and like anyone who goes thru trials we sometimes wonder where God is thru it all. I know I did, I wondered at times where was God when certain things happened in my life. When sin enters your life it clouds the good that God also does in our life.
I would read things that say if you have God in your life you should be filled with peace, joy, etc. When you are being lead on a path by the heavenly Father and He is guiding your every step. There are days you won't be smiling or filled with peace and joy. I found that the closer you get to God the more you are attacked spiritually. It's a constant battle to walk a path that is chosen for you to walk.
When I gave my will over to God, He started the cleansing process, a process that involved a constant examination of conscience. He isn't harsh when he is correcting us. We are far harsher with ourselves than God is. That is what I believe how he cleanses us.
And then there are the days when the spiritual attacks are awful. No matter how you pray or prostrate yourself at the Lords feet you never feel relief from the battle. Not until you either read something or hear something that will guide you out. I've learned at times like these to not acknowledge Satan and his mischief. When I manage that there is a calm that is beautiful.
I recall one night before falling asleep I posed a question to God. When I woke from a sound sleep in the middle of the night it was to the words "It's in the lyrics of God Bless America". I looked up the lyrics but for the life of me I do not know what I was meant to know. Plus it was frustrating, because I do not remember what I asked.
On this Journey of Faith I also began seeing a Spiritual Director.
There was a day that I was wondering why I was given a job with no insurance and a pay that made surviving difficult, well anyway while I was getting ready for work in the smallest voice imaginable I heard "Trust in Me". Plus by now I finally accepted what God is doing in my life and believing what I am seeing, that also made a difference.