Tests

Two thousand years ago Jesus underwent many tests by the Pharisees, the general public, including His Apostles as to whether or not He was real in what He was proclaiming. He was tested for His Faith, His Honesty. He was even tested by Satan for His Loyalty to His Father. His Love endured the sufferings of our human nature. People of today undergo many tests by others for no particular reason other than it's a habit that has been handed down from generation to generation, since probably long before Jesus' time. Testing people is in a sense another way of judging people. I'll give myself as an example. I am a person who erred and had negativity impact my life. I never expected to have anyone near me because I was that negative. The effect of others sometimes brought devastating harm than good too. It was because their words said one thing while they had showed me I was nothing to them. I accepted this as part of human nature, it wasn't pleasant. During the years that I seemingly was negative about myself, I always tried to the very best of my ability to treat others as I would want to be treated. I did this daily even when I did not treat myself that way. I was always hardest on myself more than any one could ever imagine. Out of that negativity I took the brunt of peoples dislike, their pain, their suffering. I bit my tongue and kept myself silent because I did not want to hurt another human being as I was hurting. No matter how negative I was with myself I was always trying to be positive for others and at the same time trying to break free of the bondage that kept me away from God. In my mind and in my Heart I always kept God with me. He has always been that Light in my darkness. And I am extremely grateful for His Light. After my surgery that was when I hit rock bottom, to come to the realization that my life was not the way it should be. That I needed to become someone who has been giving people that positive effect. The person, who was, long ago, before sin entered, was a positive person. It has been a test of strength to conquer the negativity that was a part of my life. And then God showed Himself to me. It is through him that I learned many things and given an understanding of particular things that have happened that have no consequence to others but is something I needed to know. I stated in another part of the journal that I veer away from negativity and this is true. I have often observed people gossiping; back stabbing, judging, turning their backs on their neighbors while they are in the church before the Altar. My reaction is one that confuses people because I find it hard to be part of a Community that is this way. So I will move away from people who do these things. I do not have a voice to say things to them because people do not want to hear it. When you have cleansed yourself from a way of life that brought more harm than good, you tend to seek out the positive. I realize to others it does not seem as if I have Love of neighbor, what they do not realize is the deep love that I do have of others. During this test, not just of God's, but of myself and of others is not always easy amid a world filled with negativity. God is during this time in my life correcting my errors and keeping me from falling back into the old as He brings forth the new. I choose God's way than mans. That is why I am different. God Bless